Bullies are predators. Predators do not go after anyone they happen to find; they look for easy targets, and so the bully looks for the easiest target he can find. If you are the type who fights back, he will not bother with you. He looks for somebody he senses will not fight back, somebody defenseless. He looks for the body language that shows weakness: a stance that is not firm and tall, hands held weakly, eyes that do not look straight at the other person, no eye contact, no firmness in the face. All this tells him that this person may have low self-esteem, and so he is an easy target.
The predator also looks for a target without friends, without anybody who might help him or protect him. A loner is the best target. And if he can find somebody who is strange in any way, that is perfect for him. All these things radiate to the bully: this is the one I am going to bully, harass, abuse. He goes for his target, and if the person does not fight back he does not let go; he weakens him by the day, slowly breaking him down.
The Two Worst Bullies in the Torah
We find this very idea in Parashat Beshalach, at the beginning and at the end. The two worst bullies in the Torah are in this parasha. The first is Pharaoh. Pharaoh does not go after just anybody; he waits for the moment Am Yisrael are in a state of weakness. When Am Yisrael are in a place where, as Pharaoh says, נְבֻכִים הֵם בָּאָרֶץ סָגַר עֲלֵיהֶם הַמִּדְבָּר (Shemot 14:3), lost in the desert, not knowing where to go, having lost all direction, that is when Pharaoh senses it is time to go and get them. Exactly like the bully: the predator looks for weakness, and when the person is lost, when he is in a weak state, that is when he hunts him. That is the moment Pharaoh is looking for.
At the end of the parasha we find Amalek, and Amalek too looks for the weak. In our parasha itself this is not so clear, but at the end of the Torah, when it tells us again what happened here, it gives more insight: זָכוֹר אֵת אֲשֶׁר עָשָׂה לְךָ עֲמָלֵק בַּדֶּרֶךְ בְּצֵאתְכֶם מִמִּצְרָיִם. אֲשֶׁר קָרְךָ בַּדֶּרֶךְ וַיְזַנֵּב בְּךָ כׇּל הַנֶּחֱשָׁלִים אַחֲרֶיךָ וְאַתָּה עָיֵף וְיָגֵעַ (Devarim 25:17–18). Whom did he target? Kol hanecheshalim acharecha, from the word chalash, weak. He went after the weak, at the time they were ayef veyagea, tired, exhausted. That is the best time to go and get Am Yisrael.
Rashi explains that hanecheshalim refers to the people the cloud spat out: חַסְרֵי כֹחַ מֵחֲמַת חֶטְאָם, שֶׁהָיָה הֶעָנָן פּוֹלְטָן. Am Yisrael were normally protected by the cloud, Hashem’s protection, but these people sinned, and as soon as they sinned they lost that protection; the cloud threw them out to the back of the camp. Amalek senses from far away that there are some loners here with no protection, and nothing to stand on, because they are strange; here, they were sinning. When a person is strange in some way, that attracts the bully much quicker. He loves that; he goes after it. Perfect timing for Amalek to run after Am Yisrael.
The Orphan and the Widow
Because Amalek goes after the weak and the defenseless, Hakadosh Baruch Hu says: remember what Amalek did to you. These are the most hated people in Hashem’s eyes: when you go after somebody who cannot stand up to you, who cannot defend himself, that is something Hakadosh Baruch Hu does not forgive.
We find the same idea in Parashat Mishpatim: כׇּל אַלְמָנָה וְיָתוֹם לֹא תְעַנּוּן (Shemot 22:21). You may not abuse or pain the widow and the orphan. Rashi says: הוּא הַדִּין לְכָל אָדָם, אֶלָּא שֶׁדִּבֵּר הַכָּתוּב בַּהוֹוֶה, לְפִי שֶׁהֵם תְּשׁוּשֵׁי כֹחַ וְדָבָר מָצוּי לְעַנּוֹתָם: the same applies to any person, but the Torah speaks of these because they are weak, and it is common for people to abuse them, to take advantage of them, to pain them, because they are more defenseless than others. That is why there is a specific warning about them. And that is exactly our point. When somebody is weak and needs help, most normal people would love to help him in any way they can. But there are those who are not regular: the bullies, the predators. They look for the almanah and the yatom, because those are easier to take advantage of, to harass, to abuse. Therefore the Torah says: be careful not to be one of those who go after them.
But the Torah also knows that such people will not care what the Torah says; their urge to go after the weak is stronger than any lav. So the Torah makes the punishment very harsh: וְחָרָה אַפִּי וְהָרַגְתִּי אֶתְכֶם בֶּחָרֶב וְהָיוּ נְשֵׁיכֶם אַלְמָנוֹת וּבְנֵיכֶם יְתֹמִים (Shemot 22:23). If you go after the weak and defenseless, know that your children will be orphans and your wives will be widows. Hashem promises that whoever hurts them will be punished.
Is Your Child Being Bullied?
We learn from our parasha, and from other places in the Torah, how much the Torah despises bullies. Every parent needs to open his eyes and ask: is my child being bullied? How would you know? The child does not come home as happy as he used to be; the shine is gone from his face; he is a little less self-confident; his self-esteem is weaker; he does not want to go to school, if you suspect it is happening there. All these things should light a red light. You have to investigate and find out, because if it is left untreated it gets worse and worse, the child breaks down, and the damage can be permanent. So you have to stop it as soon as you even suspect it: speak to the rebbe, to the teachers, to the principal, and first of all speak to the child himself. Many times children are hesitant to speak; sometimes they are terrified, afraid the bully will get them if they speak out. You have to use every means to make sure your child is not being bullied.
And it is not only in schools. Many times it is in a marriage, where one spouse is bullied by the other. One needs to open his eyes and ears to make sure this is not happening in any way, and if it starts, it has to be treated right away, because it only grows worse with time.
Based on Rabbi Shay Tahan’s class “Parashat Beshalach – Body Language That Attracts Bullying” (Parashat Beshalach): watch the class.
