Yaakov Avinu comes to the well and finds three flocks of sheep there with their shepherds, וְהִנֵּה שָׁם שְׁלֹשָׁה עֶדְרֵי צֹאן רֹבְצִים עָלֶיהָ (Bereishit 29:2). The shepherds are supposed to give their sheep to drink, but all of a sudden he sees them getting ready to go home. Why are they going home so early, before they’ve done their job? So he rebukes them: הֵן עוֹד הַיּוֹם גָּדוֹל לֹא עֵת הֵאָסֵף הַמִּקְנֶה הַשְׁקוּ הַצֹּאן וּלְכוּ רְעוּ (29:7). The day is still long; it’s not time to bring in the flocks. Water the sheep and go graze them.
They answer: לֹא נוּכַל עַד אֲשֶׁר יֵאָסְפוּ כָּל הָעֲדָרִים וְגָלְלוּ אֶת הָאֶבֶן מֵעַל פִּי הַבְּאֵר וְהִשְׁקִינוּ הַצֹּאן (29:8). We’re not leaving; we just can’t water the sheep yet, because the stone on the well is so heavy. We have to wait for all the shepherds to come, and together we can lift it.
But this is very strange. Yaakov Avinu arrives at the well as a stranger; nobody knows him. Who gives him the right to rebuke them? And he says it very strongly. Rashi says: לְפִי שֶׁרָאָה אוֹתָם רוֹבְצִים, כַּסָּבוּר שֶׁרוֹצִים לֶאֱסֹף הַמִּקְנֶה הַבַּיְתָה … אָמַר לָהֶן הֵן עוֹד הַיּוֹם גָּדוֹל, כְּלוֹמַר אִם שְׂכִירִים אַתֶּם לֹא שִׁלַּמְתֶּם פְּעֻלַּת הַיּוֹם, וְאִם הַבְּהֵמוֹת שֶׁלָּכֶם אַף עַל פִּי כֵן לֹא עֵת הֵאָסֵף הַמִּקְנֶה. He thought they were packing up to go home. If you are hired by the day, you haven’t finished your day’s work; you are being paid, so do your job. And if the animals are yours, it’s still not time to go home; you didn’t water them yet.
“The One Who Came to Live Here Wants to Judge?”
You don’t just walk in and rebuke people. We see the same story with Lot. The malachim came to visit him, and the whole city gathered to abuse his guests. Lot tells them, don’t do it, why would you do such a thing? And the people rebuked him right back: גֶּשׁ הָלְאָה … הָאֶחָד בָּא לָגוּר וַיִּשְׁפֹּט שָׁפוֹט (19:9). Get out of here! Rashi says: אָדָם נָכְרִי יְחִידִי אַתָּה בֵּינֵינוּ, שֶׁבָּאתָ לָגוּר, וַיִּשְׁפֹּט שָׁפוֹט, וְנַעֲשֵׂיתָ מוֹכִיחַ אוֹתָנוּ? You’re a lone stranger among us, you just came to live here, and already you’re judging us and rebuking us? You don’t start rebuking people when you’re the new boy on the block.
So here, when Yaakov Avinu rebukes the shepherds: first, who gives him the right? And second, why do they accept it? They tell him, don’t worry, we’re not really going home, we’re waiting for all the shepherds. They accept the rebuke. Very strange.
Warming Up the Conversation
I used to think that Yaakov Avinu uses a very, very smart technique here: he warms up a conversation, a relationship, with them. When he comes to the well, how does he start? אַחַי מֵאַיִן אַתֶּם (29:4), “my brothers.” When you use such a term with somebody (in Israel it is very common to call somebody “achi,” my brother; in America people also say “brother”), you already feel close. Once you feel close, he is not a stranger to you, and that already gives you the right to say what you want to say.
Second, he asks: where are you from? When you ask somebody where he’s from and he says, “I’m from Florida,” what do you do right away? “Oh, I know somebody from Florida, do you know Mr. Levy?” “Oh yeah, sure!” Now you have mutual friends, and that warms up the relationship; he sees that you are interested in him. That is what happens here: הַיְדַעְתֶּם אֶת לָבָן בֶּן נָחוֹר וַיֹּאמְרוּ יָדָעְנוּ. וַיֹּאמֶר לָהֶם הֲשָׁלוֹם לוֹ וַיֹּאמְרוּ שָׁלוֹם (29:5–6). Really? So we both know somebody in your hometown, Charan! How is this Lavan doing? Oh sure, he’s fine. Once you warm up a conversation like that, it clears the way to give a rebuke.
So Why Didn’t It Work for Lot?
But almost the same thing happens with Lot. He too speaks to the people with closeness: אַל נָא אַחַי תָּרֵעוּ (19:7), my brothers, please don’t do evil. So what is the difference between the two?
I think the difference is pretty clear. In our story, the shepherds are just being a little lazy. Yaakov Avinu sees they want to go home instead of doing the right thing. When a person simply doesn’t feel like doing the right thing, if you warm up a conversation with him, you can rebuke him and he’ll listen. That’s not the end of the world.
In Parashat Vayera it was something totally different. The people of Sedom were running after an aveirah, after those men who came to town, and then nothing stops them. A rebuke for such people will not help in any way. Lot even says “my brothers,” and it doesn’t help at all; Lot even offers them something else, and it’s nothing doing. When a person is heated up and running after an aveirah, nothing will stop him: not a rebuke, not a good word, not warming up to him. That is what he has in his mind, and nothing helps.
Perhaps the only technique in such a case is what Moshe Rabbeinu did. When Moshe comes to the well in Midyan, he sees the daughters of Yitro driven away by the shepherds: וַיָּבֹאוּ הָרֹעִים וַיְגָרְשׁוּם וַיָּקָם מֹשֶׁה וַיּוֹשִׁעָן (Shemot 2:17). Why were they driven away? Rashi: מִפְּנֵי הַנִּדּוּי, because the shepherds had put Yitro in niddui. Fine, so they drove the girls away; but the pasuk says Moshe saved them. If they only drove them away, why did they need saving? Some explain that the shepherds were chasing them, or even threw them into the well. Either way, Moshe Rabbeinu does not come to rebuke them. He doesn’t say “my brothers,” he doesn’t give a tochachah, because a rebuke would not help. He saves them. He doesn’t try to speak to their hearts, because they too were running after an aveirah, and in such a case nothing helps, just as nothing helped with Lot.
A Second Explanation: The Crowd
There could be a second explanation. By Lot it was the whole city: וְאַנְשֵׁי הָעִיר אַנְשֵׁי סְדֹם נָסַבּוּ עַל הַבַּיִת מִנַּעַר וְעַד זָקֵן כָּל הָעָם מִקָּצֶה (Bereishit 19:4), young and old, everybody. In Parashat Vayetze there were only three shepherds. When there are three, rebuking them is almost like speaking to a single person, and a person by himself can accept a rebuke. But when you rebuke an entire town, they don’t accept it, because there is always pressure from the others: how can I accept a rebuke when the others don’t? If I accept it, I’ll look like someone who did something wrong, someone easily convinced. That is ga’avah, and when ga’avah gets involved, a person doesn’t accept anything. Here, by the shepherds of Parashat Vayetze, it was accepted, because there were not so many people, and it was much easier to accept.
Based on Rabbi Shay Tahan’s class “Parasha Pearls. Vayetse.How To Rebuke?” (Parashat Vayetze): watch the class.
