When one recites Tehillim for the elevation of the soul of the deceased, he should mention the deceased’s name and his mother’s name. Some have the custom to mention his father’s name, and some mention the names of both his father and his mother.
Sources and Explanations
The Kaf HaChaim (284:37) writes: “The reason that in the hashkavah (memorial prayer) we mention the mother’s name, saying ‘Ploni ben Plonit’ (so-and-so son of so-and-so [f.]) and not ‘ben Ploni’ (son of so-and-so [m.]), see in the holy Zohar (Parashat Lech Lecha, daf 84a, see there). The same applies to a berachah (blessing): when one blesses his fellow, he must mention him by his mother’s name. This is implied in the holy Zohar there.”
In Responsa Yabia Omer (vol. 2, Orach Chaim, siman 11), he writes that there are different customs. Some mention the father’s name, Ploni ben Ploni. Some mention the mother’s name, Ploni ben Plonit. And some mention both names, Ploni ben Ploni and Plonit. He cites Responsa Duda’ei HaSadeh (siman 95), who writes: “The Ashkenazi custom is to say both names, the father’s and the mother’s. In his city the custom was that for the learning and prayer said on someone’s behalf, he is mentioned by his mother’s name, while in the memorial of souls (hashkavah) he is mentioned by his father’s name. He found in the book Sukkat Shalom by the Gaon Rabbi Eliyahu Guttmacher, who discusses this at length, that his view is that when praying for the living, such as for a sick person and the like, everything follows the mother, while prayer on behalf of souls follows the father, because the souls of the father and son are bound together. And a certain Gaon told him to conduct himself this way.” See there; end of his words. This can be supported by the words of Sefer Chassidim (siman 242), which writes: “One who benefits from money that was left in memory of the souls of the dead within the year of his passing, those who benefit from it must say, ‘Vehu rachum yechaper avon’ (He, the Merciful One, forgives iniquity) etc., on behalf of Ploni ben Rabbi Ploni, that his sin be atoned and his soul rest in goodness, etc.” See there. Thus he uses “Ploni ben Ploni” and not “ben Plonit.” However, for a female it seems that one should say “Plonit bat Plonit,” since a daughter is always with her mother. So too in Sefer Chassidim (siman 237): “Go and say to Plonit bat Plonit, or Ploni ben Ploni.” See there.
Rabbi Betzalel Stern, in Responsa Betzel HaChochmah (vol. 3, siman 91), was asked whether in the prayer recited after learning Mishnayot for the elevation of the soul of the deceased, one should mention the deceased’s father’s name, Ploni ben Ploni, or his mother’s name, Ploni ben Plonit; and likewise in the wording of the inscription on the tombstone, whether it is correct to mention the father’s name or the mother’s name of the one buried there. After a lengthy discussion, he cites there what is written in Gesher HaChaim (vol. 1, p. 338, se’if 6): “The Ashkenazim have the custom to mention the deceased by his name and his father’s name, etc. However, the Sephardim have the custom to mention him by his mother’s name,” etc. He concludes in halacha: since there are different customs, if the members of the congregation come from places whose customs differed in this matter, it is proper that in the memorial of souls that the chazzan recites publicly on the three Festivals and on Yom Kippur in the prayer of El Malei Rachamim, he should say “Ploni ben Ploni and Plonit,” and likewise “Plonit bat Ploni and Plonit,” mentioning the father’s and mother’s names, for this takes into account the customs of all places. It is also in accordance with what is written on this in the book Hadrat Shalom and Responsa Duda’ei HaSadeh (see ot 3, 5). They should likewise conduct themselves in the recitation of the Yehi Ratzon after public learning of Mishnayot, mentioning the father’s and mother’s names. However, all this applies when no custom has yet been established there; but if they have already established to mention only the father’s name or only the mother’s name, it is obvious that they should not change their custom. The summary of the practical halacha is as follows:
A) For a segulah (spiritual remedy) and a whispered incantation, one should mention the mother’s name: Ploni ben Plonit or Plonit bat Plonit. B) For the prayer after learning Mishnayot, the memorial of souls, and the wording of the tombstone inscription, there are different customs, and each place should keep its custom. C) In a place where there is no custom, and in places where people have gathered from different places with different customs, it is proper to mention the father’s and mother’s names.
From the sefer “Shaf Veyativ – Laws of Saying Tehillim” by Rabbi Shay Tahan, Chapter 10: Saying Tehillim During Mourning, Halacha 4 (p. 151 in the print edition). Translated from the Hebrew original.
