When saying a ‘Mi Sheberach’ or praying for a sick person, one should, lechatchilah (ideally), mention his name and his mother’s name. However, if the mother’s name is not known, one may say the father’s name, or even only his own name alone.
Sources and Explanations
The Ben Ish Chai, in his book Responsa Torah Lishmah (question 399), was asked whether one who prays for his fellow should mention him by his father’s name or his mother’s name, and he replied in his second answer: “It is stated in the Gemara (Shabbat 66b): Abaye said: My mother told me: All incantations are with the mother’s name. And Rashi explains: all whisperings, ‘Ploni son of Plonit’ (so-and-so son of so-and-so [the mother]); see there. Based on this, the mother’s name is written in amulets, and it seems that the same applies to a plea for mercy spoken orally, that the mother’s name is mentioned. And as for what you asked, what reason there is for this, it seems that the reason is because generally more accusations will be found against a man than against a woman. First, because a woman is exempt from time-bound positive commandments, and even more so, she is exempt from the mitzvah of Torah study, whereas a man does not escape the sin of bitul Torah (neglect of Torah study), as our Rabbis said (Berachot 5a): If he searched and did not find, let him attribute it to bitul Torah. Furthermore, a woman is spared from the sin of keri (seminal emission), which is something very common among males. Therefore, the accusations against a woman are generally fewer than those against a man. Therefore, mentioning the woman’s name is preferable. Also, the accusers are not as envious of females as of males. And I have heard another reason stated: because the mother is more certain than the father, whereas the presumption regarding the father is based on the majority, as they said in the Gemara (Chullin 11b): ‘But perhaps he is not his father? Rather, learn from this that we follow the majority.’” End quote.
Now, in his book Ben Yehoyada (Berachot 55b), he protested against the last reason, writing that it is a slight to the honor of one’s father, as it treats him as a matter of doubt; see what he wrote there. And others have already challenged him, since this reason has a pure source in the holy Zohar (vol. 1, folio 84a): “Was he then not the son of Yishai, that he spoke in his mother’s name and not in his father’s name? Rather, we have established that when a person comes to receive a supernal matter to mention, he must go with a matter that is certain, and therefore he mentioned his mother and not his father.” And it is cited in the commentary of the Maharshal (Chochmat Shlomo, Shabbat 66b): “Because people know the mother, who is more certain than the father, therefore the mother’s name is mentioned.”
In Responsa Levushei Mordechai (third edition, Yoreh De’ah 149), he objected that there is room to mention the mother only in an incantation and not in prayer: “And regarding the matter of mentioning the father’s name or the mother’s name in writing on the tombstone: it has always been puzzling to me that when mentioning names in prayer and saying ‘yehi ratzon’ after reciting Tehillim, the custom in these regions is to mention the mother’s name. But it is explained in Tractate Shabbat (66b) that Abaye said: My mother told me: All incantations are with the mother’s name, as it says there, ‘Ploni son of Plonit,’ and Rashi explains (there, s.v. kol minyanei): all whisperings, and because they repeat them, he calls them ‘minyanei’ (counts). If so, this implies that specifically the segulah (spiritual remedy) of an incantation is with the mother’s name; but mentioning in prayer and the like — is that included in incantation? Mentioning in prayer is to increase mercy from Heaven, and all similar matters.”
Likewise, Responsa BeTzel HaChochmah (vol. 3, siman 91, ot 3) discussed this in the name of the book Hadrat Shalom (siman 10, se’if 6, in the addendum), that the common custom, when praying for a sick person, Heaven forbid, or in a Mi Sheberach at the Sefer Torah, is to say ‘Ploni son of Plonit.’ But this is difficult, for the holy Zohar (Shemot 17b) writes that doing so is the way of sorcerers and demons, who never mention a person’s father’s name but only his mother’s name, something about which there is no suspicion, meaning that it is certain; and that this is hinted at in the Gemara, Shabbat 66b: ‘All incantations are with the mother’s name,’ and Rashi explains: all whisperings. Therefore, it is proper to make a change in matters of holiness, when praying before Hakadosh Baruch Hu (the Holy One, blessed be He) or in a Mi Sheberach at the Sefer Torah, and it seems good to say it in this wording: ‘Ploni, born of the woman Plonit, who is Ploni son of Ploni [the father].’ And so it is in the will of the holy Rabbi Aharon the Great of Karlin, to inscribe on the tombstone in this wording: ‘Here lies Ploni, born of the woman Plonit, who is Ploni son of Ploni.’ And it is obvious that the same applies to a female: ‘Plonit, born of the woman Plonit, who is Plonit daughter of Ploni.’ And it is likewise correct to say this also in hazkarat neshamot (the memorial of souls). This is unlike the custom of his grandfather, the Maharshach, who said in hazkarat neshamot ‘Ploni son of Plonit,’ as printed in the Siddur Or HaYashar.” End quote. And see there that he soundly refuted him, for in the holy Zohar it is stated explicitly to say the mother’s name for this reason, as we cited above.
Also, Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach (Halichot Shlomo, chapter 8, halacha 17) wrote that in prayer for a sick person one should mention his mother’s name and not the nickname. Likewise, Rav Ovadia Yosef (Yabia Omer, vol. 2, siman 11) wrote that when one prays for a sick person, he should pray using his mother’s name; however, he added that this is only the optimal way, and that there is not such strict concern about it, and especially when the mother’s name is not known, it is fine to say the father’s name, or even only his own name alone.
And he wrote there in Yabia Omer that regarding the hashkavah (memorial prayer for the deceased) there are different customs. Some mention the father’s name, some mention the mother’s name, and some mention the father’s and mother’s names together, saying ‘Ploni son of Ploni and Plonit’; and each river follows its own course (each community follows its own custom).
From the sefer “Shaf Veyativ – Laws of Saying Tehillim” by Rabbi Shay Tahan, Chapter 9: Saying Tehillim for the Sick, Halacha 4 (p. 138 in the print edition). Translated from the Hebrew original.
