If one says a “Mi Sheberach” or prays for his father or his Rebbe who is ill, Heaven spare us, he should not say “Heal my father, my teacher,” etc., with titles of honor. Rather, he mentions him by his name, “my father so-and-so,” without a title of honor.
Sources and Explanations
The Gemara (Kiddushin 31b) states: “Our Rabbis taught: A sage changes the name of his father and the name of his teacher.” The Shulchan Aruch (Yoreh De’ah 240:2) rules that one should not call him by his name, neither during his lifetime nor after his death, but rather says “Abba Mari” (my father, my master). The Ben Ish Chai (Year 2, Parashat Shoftim, halacha 4) rules likewise, writing: “He should not call him by his name, neither during his lifetime nor after his death, but rather says ‘Abba Mari so-and-so’ or ‘Mor Avi so-and-so.’”
However, all that was said applies when one is not speaking with the King of the world. But when one prays on his behalf, one should not use titles of honor, as written in Sefer Chassidim (siman 800): “One who prays for his sick father should not say ‘Heal my father, my teacher,’ or ‘my master, my father,’ for Shlomo said ‘David my father,’ and likewise Elisha said ‘Where is Hashem, the God of Eliyahu,’ and did not say ‘my master Eliyahu.’”
The reason is explained in the sefer Ma’avar Yabok (cited in Minchat Chinuch, siman 258, at the end), which writes: “If one prays before Hashem, may He be blessed, for his father or for his teacher, he should not say in his prayer ‘my master, my teacher’ or ‘my master, my father,’ for before Hashem, blessed be He, one should not call any person ‘master,’ as explained in Shabbat (56a) that Uriah the Hittite was a rebel against the monarchy because he said before David ‘and my master Yoav.’ If so, here too, since Elazar said ‘which Hashem commanded Moshe’ and mentioned the Name of Hashem, blessed be He, it is not appropriate then to call his teacher ‘master.’”
The Chida (Birkei Yosef, Yoreh De’ah 240:4) writes likewise, cited by Chazon Ovadia (vol. 1 of Hilchot Avelut, p. 7): “When one prays for his sick father, he should not say in his prayer ‘Please, heal now my master, my father,’ or ‘Abba Mari so-and-so,’ but rather should say ‘my father so-and-so’ and add nothing more, for there is no haughtiness before the Omnipresent. And so Shlomo said in his prayer ‘David my father.’ And Uriah became liable to death by the monarchy for saying ‘my master’ Yoav before King David. Likewise, one who prays for his sick teacher, it is sufficient that he say ‘Rabbi so-and-so,’ and he should not add titles of honor.” Therefore, the Kaf HaChaim (119:6) writes that when one prays for the recovery of his sick father, he should not say “Heal Abba,” but rather mentions him by his name.
From the sefer “Shaf Veyativ – Laws of Saying Tehillim” by Rabbi Shay Tahan, Chapter 9: Saying Tehillim for the Sick, Halacha 7 (p. 140 in the print edition). Translated from the Hebrew original.
