At the beginning and at the end of our parasha we learn the Torah’s perspective on how we should view our children and grandchildren and their path in life, and how serious it is.
Avraham’s Five Years
At the beginning of the parasha, Yaakov Avinu prepares lentil soup, and Esav comes in. Why lentils? Rashi says that Avraham Avinu passed away that day, and it is the custom of mourners to eat lentils. And Rashi points out something else: Avraham Avinu should have lived another five years. He died five years early. Why? שֶׁלֹּא יִרְאֶה אֶת עֵשָׂו בֶּן בְּנוֹ יוֹצֵא לְתַרְבּוּת רָעָה … לְפִיכָךְ קִצֵּר הַקָּבָּ”ה ה’ שָׁנִים מִשְּׁנוֹתָיו (Rashi, Bereishit 25:30). That day Esav started going in his corrupt, bad way, and so that Avraham Avinu would not see his grandchild going the bad way, Hakadosh Baruch Hu took him five years early.
Interesting. It was worthwhile for Avraham Avinu to lose five years of his life rather than see his grandchild go the wrong way. Better not to live another five years than to see such a thing.
“Why Do I Need Life?”
The same at the end of the parasha. Rivka approaches her husband Yitzchak and says: קַצְתִּי בְחַיַּי מִפְּנֵי בְּנוֹת חֵת אִם לֹקֵחַ יַעֲקֹב אִשָּׁה מִבְּנוֹת חֵת … לָמָּה לִּי חַיִּים (27:46). I am disgusted with my life; if Yaakov marries one of the daughters of Chet, I would rather not live. I would rather die than see my son marry one of them.
Rivka was not just frustrated or just expressing her fear. If that were all, the Torah would not mention it; it would not be such an important message that the Torah has to write it for all generations. Rivka is telling us something very important: better to die, I don’t need life, than to live a living death seeing our children marry bad spouses. This is what Chazal actually say, that living with a bad spouse is worse than death. That is what Rivka is saying here.
This gives us the perspective that when it comes to our children, we really must make sure they go the right way, and, no less important, that they marry a righteous spouse with yirat shamayim, someone with the right values of Torah.
Based on Rabbi Shay Tahan’s class “Toldot. The Pain Of Seeing A Child Go Off The Derech” (Parashat Toldot): watch the class.
