We are continuing our series on body language from the parasha. In Parashat Yitro we can clearly see how a person can say one thing but mean, or feel, something else entirely. Body language is the language of the feelings: you can see clearly how a person feels about you, about himself, about his surroundings, just by looking at the way he behaves and at the expressions of his body. In our parasha we see this in a couple of instances at the meeting of Moshe Rabbeinu and Yitro.
A Happy Face, and Goosebumps
Yitro finally comes to see Moshe Rabbeinu, and Moshe starts telling him about everything Hakadosh Baruch Hu did for Am Yisrael, the miracles that happened to them, and the punishment of Mitzrayim. Right away the Torah says: וַיִּחַדְּ יִתְרוֹ עַל כׇּל הַטּוֹבָה אֲשֶׁר עָשָׂה ה’ לְיִשְׂרָאֵל (Shemot 18:9). What does vayichad mean? Rashi gives two explanations that seem to contradict each other. The first: וַיִּשְׂמַח יִתְרוֹ, זֶהוּ פְּשׁוּטוֹ, he was very happy. He told Moshe Rabbeinu: I am so happy for you; it is beautiful, all the miracles, and that Mitzrayim was punished. But right away Rashi adds the Midrash: נַעֲשָׂה בְשָׂרוֹ חִדּוּדִין חִדּוּדִין, מֵצֵר עַל אִבּוּד מִצְרַיִם, his flesh broke out in goosebumps; he was pained over the destruction of Mitzrayim. Why does a person get goosebumps? Either because he is very excited, or very frightened, or very saddened by something that happened. Rashi tells us that here the reason was sadness.
So you could say these are two different explanations, but really, many times Rashi gives two explanations to express two things that happen at the same time. And here that is exactly the story. In one instance Yitro shows Moshe Rabbeinu a happy face, vayichad Yitro; of course, he is meeting Moshe Rabbeinu and he has to show that he is happy with everything Hakadosh Baruch Hu did for Am Yisrael. But at the same time his body radiates something totally different: goosebumps all over, chidudin chidudin, showing that he is sad and not happy with what happened. He feels the pain of the Egyptians. Here you have it: in one and the same moment a person says one thing, and his body language shows you something totally different.
Who Bowed to Whom?
Another thing the parasha tells us: when Moshe Rabbeinu came out to greet Yitro, it says וַיִּשְׁתַּחוּ וַיִּשַּׁק לוֹ וַיִּשְׁאֲלוּ אִישׁ לְרֵעֵהוּ לְשָׁלוֹם (Shemot 18:7). One bowed to the other and one kissed the other; not both of them to each other, just one. Who bowed to whom? Rashi asks exactly this, and answers that it must be Moshe Rabbeinu: אֵינִי יוֹדֵעַ מִי הִשְׁתַּחֲוָה לְמִי, כְּשֶׁהוּא אוֹמֵר אִישׁ לְרֵעֵהוּ, מִי הַקָּרוּי אִישׁ – מֹשֶׁה, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר וְהָאִישׁ מֹשֶׁה. The one called ish is Moshe, so Moshe Rabbeinu is the one who bowed and kissed Yitro.
This is very interesting. A person usually thinks that when you come forward to greet somebody, or bow to him to show respect, you are putting yourself in the lower position; you become vulnerable, in a way that the other person could reject you or ignore you, or feel that you are not so important, and it will not look good. But when a person is an ish, a man, and that is the emphasis of the word here, he is not scared of all that. Why? Because he has such strong self-esteem. When a person’s self-esteem is built, when he is confident about himself, he is not afraid of what the other will say or feel, or what people will say. He does not feel vulnerable, and he is not scared to make the move towards the other person: to greet him, bow to him, kiss him, even though Yitro was not showing those feelings back to Moshe Rabbeinu; the pasuk says that Moshe did it. Moshe Rabbeinu had such confidence in what he was doing, he felt so good about himself, that going forward with these expressions of love and respect toward Yitro did not hold him back at all.
The One Who Steps Forward
This is something we need to realize. Whenever we deal with people, you can clearly see who is the one stepping forward to the other: he is the more confident one. This is unlike the popular belief that you should not greet the other first, or should not make eye contact, because eye contact makes you vulnerable. That is not true. Making eye contact shows that you are confident about yourself, and it does not in any way put you in the lower position, or in a place where the other person can make you feel worthless. This is what we see in our parasha, and this is why the Torah calls him ish: veha’ish Moshe. Moshe Rabbeinu was a man, because he was confident; he was in a higher position than Yitro, and he was able to go down, bow, and show that extra respect to Yitro. Shabbat shalom.
Based on Rabbi Shay Tahan’s class “Yitro. Body Language Series. Words Which Contradict Feelings. & Expression Of Confidence.” (Parashat Yitro): watch the class.
